Is there life on ASLEF?

Astromoners claimed that the planet ASLEF has life.The shock claim has astounded stargazers throughout the world - one of whom was quoted as saying:

"We thought it was just a useless lump - devoid of life, floating around aimlessly doing whatever it was told to do by the Laws of Universal Lethargy (L.U.L.)"

Similiar claims for the moon known as "TESSA" have been denied