Valuing Time, Wasting Ours

In these difficult times with the government intent on giving all our money to the next failed banker who turns up at 11 Downing Street with a begging bowl, it is hardly surprising that a publicly owned organisation like LUL will be looking to save a few quid. But how to go about trimming the fat? Maybe Tim O’Toole and his henchmen could take an axe to their lavish salaries? Perhaps LUL could manage without some of the tens of thousands of DSMs they employ to do nothing? Or how about bringing an end to the wasteful PPP that has been siphoning millions of pounds of taxpayers money into the pockets of private sector cowboys for the last 5 years? No of course our bosses will do none of the above. In time honoured tradition when belts have to be tightened it is the workers who have to suffer, this time with the announcement of 1000 white collar jobs to go within Tfl.

However, LUL still seems to have money to spend when it comes to running worthless team building workshops where they attempt to indoctrinate us into their latest vision for the future. For those of you old enough to remember when Britain had some manufacturing industry the word workshop may conjure up images of factories full of workers making useful products. Today sadly a workshop is more likely to contain a bunch of swivel eyed managers force feeding staff with the latest pseudo-scientific nonsense that they have picked up on some two-day training course. Valuing Time is no different; in fact it’s worse.

The day starts with a hologram of our glorious leader, Tim O’Toole. I am reliably informed that these 3D projections cost thousands and that it may have been cheaper to get an A-list Hollywood actor in to do the opening speech. This is then followed by ‘breakout groups’, yes the phrase made me groan with despair as well. In these you will be treated like a not very bright 4-year-old, have balls thrown at you and have to complete 5 piece jigsaws. Your manager will then explain to you how your brain works by showing you a chart containing four boxes. Somewhere out there is some charlatan with a Btec in psychology who has managed to hoodwink LUL into buying into this cognitive psychology bullshit and indeed, somewhere out there is a manager whose brain really is that one dimensional; what else can explain anyone believing such patent rubbish?

The day continues in a similar vein until you’re convinced that you have mistakenly walked into a Scientology meeting and any attempt to escape to the sanity of the outside world is thwarted by even more cult members guarding all exits, (believe me I tried). Finally, after the closing floodlit rally, you are packed off with a glossy brochure to remind you of the day, (remember these should be put out with telephone directories and Argos catalogues when you do the recycling). The hidden message from Valuing Time seems to be that if we can make them believe this, we can make them believe anything. Tube workers do not need Maoist brainwashing to help us do our job properly, nor do we need half-baked psychological theories to turn us into ‘team players’. Reward us for the hard work we do and stop treating us like idiots. My final message to you brothers and sisters is DON’T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES!